early morning diary

im speechless
im out of words
i cant help to pretend not knowing anything..
im a human
i have a sense
to think, to feel, to see
please, help me
stop being fake!
i might be dreaming
i am not naive
how do you feel if you were me
dont think that im that ignorant
i will just stay here
looking from far away..
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Elsa's Letter of The Day

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will.
You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts.
You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt.
Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances.
You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts.
Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

2010

today is 29,pheww..days go by like the wind blows near your ears even you dont notice it..just like that..
cant believe we will be welcoming a new year, a new resolution, a new in everything..
2009 gives me more experiences to view the world wider..
there is something that i learn how we can't trust everyone eventhou they act nice to us..life can be deceiving
we get trapped many times, therefore we take every lesson to be our guidelines.
expectation defines as a hope, a dream that we wish to come true
expectation brings joy and also disappointment
how can we put ourselves in the right direction?just stay in the straight line
where we dont go too far or too far behind?
if we dont think about anything, just let everything flow..it will just go on
oh the other side, we get to create our crazy thoughts which ends up with nothing

The only thing that make life possible is permanent; intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next

Nobody likes solitude, but they are afraid of disappointments..

when you are thinking of stepping ahead,
there are risks that you might have to take whether you like or not
this is always been a problem to everyone
"A fiction always has an ending but in reality, life goes on"
we are afraid of keep having bad nightmares,
At the same time we cant expect to dream on our beautiful imaginary
we do want everything to be equal, but our society don't work that way
why life has to be so unfair?
i'm always wondering, did i do something wrong?
i never want to believe in what is on my mind,
but i know i cant live in my own denial
what should i do?pretending what is not happening?
should i just go with it?
or stop it until its too late?
i've been relying to inconvenient uncertainty
maybe, i think too much
maybe, i know it is no good for me but i'm still doing it
i never ever want chagrin of expecting clarity
my agitation is always changing every time you pop up just like that
have you ever consider if others might feel uncomfortably?
please do have a heart,
listen to what is inside
let it lead the way and be clear

You,Me and The World

“Who knows how long I've loved you, you know I love you still. Will I wait a lonely lifetime? If you want me to I will.”

"Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live"

"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing"

"Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts"

"The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not"

"Life's not about the people who act true to YOUR FACE. its about the people who remain TRUE BEHIND YOUR BACK"

"When you're too n love to let it go, but if you never try you'll never know, just what you're worth"

"Its still the best to wait on the right person, because life is too short to spend it with the wrong one"

"Sometimes you gotta quit thinking so much. if it feel right, it probably is. so just go with it"

#songoftheday "coba katakan"- maliq and d'essential

Feliz Navidad

when you dont know what to do, its like everything just come right ahead of you
when you dont expect anything, try harder, good things will surely become yours
i never really had christmas celebration before. not even the christmas spirit sparkling next to me
this year is new
i wasnt planning to visit my uncle and his wife coz like they said, theres nothing to see or to do around..
its a small town, the population is only about 16000. thats small comparing to boston..
im thrilled where everyone is layed back and they are tender-hearted and caring
today i went out from the house finally, not being a lazy potato couch..
everyone is so excited for christmas to arrive and they do enjoy decorating their houses to make it pretty
everyone has a christmas tree, and Jenita, an old lady, has a long train toy surrounding the tree which is awesome..
she bought me a christmas present, and put it in our house although she havent met me before today..
i know that im far away apart from mi familia.
it is depressing sometimes when i see other people having their family visit..
and i just have to search for something to bother, just to enjoy my holiday from loneliness
it was tonight, it was my first time spending with americans family on christmas
i got to help them making spanish panada and i love the kitchen..
im falling love with the ambience where all of them were gathered to spend time talking to each other and to relax
at that moment, i was mesmerized with the piano playin by matt..so i went to him and just sang some christmas song..
i couldnt remember when was the last time i had the euphoria,blessed with the situation that ive been hoping to have..
its like i meant to be here getting to know my uncle's family which i havent got the chance before.
this is more than enough.. i dont need anymore christmas present.
me being in the dean list and me in the middle between the good chef "ka dini and the coolest uncle ever
goodnite :)

ICY

I woke up in the morning with my stomach stuffed from yesterday night. ka dini was outside the room, of course, shes in the kitchen already preparing for my combination of breakfast and lunch. What she always says is "sari, your food is ready"
blah so i was sitting nicely and
here it was



I still have a long day to go through, to start thinking of what i am going to fill my day with..
besides, ill be continuing my new Korean series "all about eve"in about a sec, visiting my aunt's neighbour , making martabak manis
And not to forget, i really have to shower..

today is 23 which reminds me i have to check my grades after 4 p.m.
please, give me the grades that i deserve
Ive been working my ass off towards the end of semester..
pray for me friends.
i do need a good luck

stupidity

my head is spinning, waiting for bbm to be working again
it sounds useless, its like i am being too dependent on my bbm
i cant say that im not impressed with nowadays's technology..
pls dont give me the old fashioned way where we have to text msg one another..
u can tell that i am bored
its 1.58 in iowa
so this blogging is really helping me out to express what i feel like saying right at this minutes
i am laughing, looking at my conversation in msn and fb with icha and manda
they are really making my day
well i just finished eating
half of pint coffee ice cream
cant stand this coldness, so i quietly opened the rice pot and put it in my plate
and i reheated some bacon plus salami and blackolives..
the guilty feeling always come at the end of realization
day by day, time flies by
i will look like a fat burger
and icha said
"AHUDSAHDUSAIASHDIASHDIUAHA
gini deh
kalo lo berger
gw apaan?
gw flabby pancakes ihop plus bluberry and mapple syrup ngeh!?!??!!?"
this is insane..
too bad
I LOVE FOOD MORE THAN ANYTHIN IN THIS WORLD
sorry paps mams..you guys are no longer in my first list of top ten things i love the most
oke this is gay
i should really get some sleep

A long wish list for year 2010

while everyone is sleeping, ive been wondering of what i want to accomplish within next year:

1. i wish to be a better person (pastinya!)
2. can stop snacking at midnight, cuz it will make a lot easier for me to weigh more in this current weather until march
3. find any part time job, so it will keep me busy doing something rather than staying at home
4. to go home in summer, fulfill my promise to watch WORLD CUP 2010
5. find a job for my internship hopefully in US
6. not being too nice to a person, consistently firm and follow the logic
7. try not being a lazy ass
8. more helpful to people
9. study more i guess
10. exploring new things as i always like
11. not to have so much complaints but likely to appreciate
12. go around Europe with someone special (too much dreaming)
13. have a clearer picture for the future of what I'm gonna be
14. rajin sholat
15. be happier
16. makin mama and papa proud of getting good grades
17. can play guitar in a more proper way HAHA

18. live without regrets

19. regarding to the number, wish to be her friend again..to forgive her and to make everything work between us.
our friendship must never last.she know who she is!
20.have someone here beside me :)
21. a channel flat shoe